11. Avoiding Burnout & Embracing Wellness with Stacie Barber

Tara: Welcome to Mindful School Marketing I’m Tara Claeys 

Aubrey: and I’m Aubrey Bursch. Today we’re  joined by Stacie Barber. Stacie is a transformational mindset and life coach for women who want to come back home to themselves in mind, body, and soul. She loves guiding her clients to trust in their inner compass and stop second guessing themselves through mastering the art.

Turning down the volume on external expectations and tuning back into their inner knowing the women. She supports begin to remember who they were before the road world told them differently. And in turn, reconnect with their authentic desires, vision and purpose. We’re so excited to have you here, Stacie.

Stacie: Oh, I’m so honored to be here. Thank you guys so much. This feels fun already. 

Tara: Oh good. We’re really happy that you’re joining us and sharing what you know and what you do. So can you tell us a little bit more about yourself and what you do and how you got started?

Yeah, 

Stacie: Yeah, absolutely. I always, it’s an interesting thing to sit here and listen to your own bio, right?

Like you put so much heart into it and then you sit there and you’re like, oh, wow. And so that’s always a humbling experience for me that I really love. And I would say to answer your question, what got me into the world and the life that I’m living now. And I say this so often is, life, simply like life has been my teacher.

It has guided me on the path that I am. It has brought me to the places that I find myself now it’s taught me the lessons that have gotten me where I am. And through that process, I really done a lot of work on myself that has helped me appreciate who I am, my inner strengths, the strengths that I was born with, things that I just naturally can do.

And instead of trying to mold or craft myself into someone that I’m not. And so I’m so grateful for the process of almost that. You know, you think about a rock in the river bed, how it starts to get knocked around a bit and the edges are worn off. I really feel that my life has been that, that it’s been, that, those opportunities that pop up that say, okay, this is another learning experience.

And so that is really, you know, at my heart’s ascent is being able to help other people connecting relationships. I love that, that I think is a God given gift that that was dropped down for me. So I’m just doing more of that. Calling more of that in. 

Aubrey: That is so fun. And I know you are not only a coach, but you own your own Pilates studio, right? So you have done so much and I’m looking forward to, I do plan to go down to Charleston and hopefully I can come visit it. But as for, you know, you talked about your life journey as we’re looking at this podcast, which we’re talking a lot about mindfulness on this podcast, and that’s a key piece. Can you tell us how it applies to what you do in your work, and and how you see that through your lens? 

Stacie: Yeah, absolutely. It’s it is one of the core parts of everything that I do. And it’s interesting, the Pilates studio, my husband and I co-own, it’s literally called. The Mindful Body. And so mindful is part of the name and that’s no coincidence and we didn’t even come up with the name.

It was a business that we bought, but it’s so an alignment with the way that, that I work with individuals, the way that I try to live my life, the way that I am with my children really for me, mindfulness is just being present in the moment as it’s coming in front of us. Right. Just being able to open the lens, widen the lens and say, okay, what’s coming in right now.

And so, you know, as far as my work goes, it is, it is a pillar of that, to be able to if an individual walks inside of the Pilates studio, I’m meeting them exactly where they’re at. I don’t have a preconceived notion of what we’re going to do, what we’re going to talk about, what this session’s going to look like I’m just meeting them.

And I think that’s mindfulness. And when I have a coaching client, come on a meeting them exactly where they’re at, I’m showing up as I am. And I think  that’s a beautiful part that putting that into practice really gives us the juice of life. You know, it really gives us all the good things that are coming and available, but so often we’re so busy with the things or the priorities.

To do less that we lose all that’s really dropping in right in front of us. And so for me, it’s a really important part of my life to be able to live in that manner. Not only for myself, but for also like my two daughters they’re watching and I want them to see the example of what that looks like and what that feels.

Tara: Yeah, I like that definition of mindfulness and that approach. And it sounds like you’re applying it to your physical presence, right? As Pilates, as well as what you do with people and coaching and mindset. The other part of our podcast is talking to people who are school leaders who work in marketing and administration.

In small or medium sized, any kind of independent school is who we’re talking to. And this year, especially they have faced enormous challenges and transitions that they’ve risen to, you know, amazingly and they’re going to be facing new ones coming up too. And we’ve heard a lot about burnout and just exhaustion and frustration and fear.

So we love having you join us today to maybe speak specifically to what you think that might be helpful to them. What are some techniques that you use to help your clients to recenter when they’re in the middle of this kind of, you know, upheaval what are some techniques that you use or some, some advice that you share can share with us?

Stacie: Yeah, absolutely. And I agree, I am amazed at the way that, you know, from the outside looking in, it’s the seamless process that, you know, in that, in the midst of all of this, there’s a lot going on. So coming back to what we were just talking about, I think is, is a huge component of really tending to ourselves.

I think of when you’re on an airplane and they go through the spiel of in case there’s an emergency. Make sure you put your air mask on first. I think this is no different in any type of life or relationship, but I think especially when you’re dealing with educators and folks that are, you know, dealing with the fear that, that not only they’re feeling, but these children are feeling, how can I keep tending to myself, really stepping in feeling, connecting to see what is it that I need so that I can step into the presence of everyone around me in this really grounded, solid, mindful way to be able to say, what is it that I need so that I can care for myself, therefore I can help care for others.

So that’s a really big thing that I talk about a lot, especially with my clients who are women. We tend to take care of everybody else first, because that’s what we’ve seen or witnessed in either mothers or grandmothers or just in society. And I think it’s being able to give ourselves the permission of getting really honest about what it is that we need first, knowing that filling up of our cup will help us then provide what it is that everyone around us needs. So that can look different for everyone, right? Sometimes that’s just being able to get out and take a walk or take a meditation class, start the practice of being able to create a really beautiful routine in the morning so that you’re setting yourself up for the day.

The most simple, yet profound thing that I work with my clients is the breath. If you at any moment, check in and you’re holding your breath, you’re constricted, right? Your whole system’s going, oh, what’s happening? Like the alert alarm goes off. You hit pause in that moment. I always talk about the power of the pause.

Give yourself a split second to just be aware of what’s happening. Allow yourself to take a deep breath in. Notice your, your whole awareness starts to expand. Then your body starts to feel as if it’s coming back down, right. It’s grounded back in so that you can start to logically evaluate what’s happening in front of you from a completely different space.

And that allows us to respond in life versus react because so often we’re just putting out fires, right? This happened and that happened, and we’re moving from a space that’s really out here and it’s, how can I get. My feet back on the ground. How can I start to come back into my body? So that this vessel can then provide what we need in front of us.And it sounds simple right? In the moment it’s super difficult, but it’s like a muscle. The more you do it, the more it just becomes part of who you are. 

Tara: Yeah. I love that. The power of the pause. I have a word of the year, every year and when a couple of years ago it was paused because I think it’s very easy, especially when you’re overwhelmed to just be reacting all the time and to not, I mean, email for as a specific example.

And I’m sure this applies too to our school leaders, you know, you get an email. From a parent who’s upset about something. And your natural instinct is to, is to respond right away. And sometimes that a lot of times that’s the wrong thing to do. So taking a pause, I think is brilliant advice that we have to keep reminding ourselves of, because it’s, it feels much better to kind of get it off your plate and respond right away and knee jerk reaction.

But, you know, email is great because you can draft it. And I say sometimes like, tie it to a balloon and let it float away. Just don’t send it or send it to yourself first so you can review it. So that’s, that’s great. I think you also do some very specific techniques that you work with. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Stacie: Yeah, absolutely. So I definitely do my focus and working with individuals, either at the studio and a physical space or over zoom or a phone call through coaching is really connecting the mind and the body because there is a two way communication route at any moment. That technically should be on that should be working very clearly, but often we found ourselves with some congestion, right?

You think about traffic on a roadway, or you pick up the phone, the cell phone, and it’s sort of a static connection. You can’t really hear the other. That’s where a lot of us find ourselves. And it is that, you know, the, the lifestyle that, that a lot of us, you know, have. It’s just happened. It’s society. It is where we are. And so really taking back the power of clearing up that communication link being able to open the pathway so that our mind and our body can be in communion with one another. And what that looks like can be completely different for each individual. I use a lot of really beautiful mindset techniques to start to get clear on some of those conditioned beliefs and ways of being one of which is EFT or emotional freedom technique tapping.

So you’re literally tapping on different Meridian points as you’re affirming, stating affirmations that open up the energy pathways so that the affirmations, the words that we’re saying are going straight into that subconscious being so that it’s almost like a command, right. That our, our subconscious mind is wanting to be told what to do. It controls 95% of our actions, our thoughts, our beliefs, and most of the time it’s pushed way down. It’s something that was created years and years ago, 5% of our being is conscious. So think about the emails, the, to do lists, all the things that are kind of running on rinse and repeat up here.

Those that’s our conscious minds. So the power of tapping into the subconscious. The mindset of the beneath the surface work is really where you start to create lasting change, right? That shift in identity and beliefs and lifestyle. We use a lot of like, NLP techniques. So neuro-linguistic programming.

That’s also a way of speaking to the subconscious mind. All of these different techniques and tools are so beautiful, but at the core of it is really creating harmony and balance between the up and the down, right? What is up and below so that we can feel as if our life is. Holistically moving forward as one.

So we’re not in conflict of, of what we’re thinking and the way that we’re living. And so that’s really, I like to go kind of to the depth, you know, first go there, start to pull out the weeds. I talk a lot about the mind as a garden, really pulling out the weeds. You’re going to tend the soil. Come back in, fertilize, plant the seeds that we’re really wanting to create and see in our life, and then allow that to be nurtured.

So that then the beautiful things that we want to have happen in our lives just naturally come about. 

Aubrey: I love that. I love the idea of planting what we want for our life. Right? And so much of what you’ve said I think it’s going to resonate with our audience. We have many, especially many female leaders in the space.

And so often, like you mentioned before, they are putting out the fires, especially during a COVID year. My goodness. The weekends and nights, the burnout was high just because we were constantly pivoting and putting out those fires and your use of breath, something that is so simple , but yet in practice, like when you actually said that, I was like, oh my gosh, I’m just holding my breath right now.

I just realized that. I doing it right when she’s saying it, it’s so ingrained in what we’re doing and to, to stop and be present and mindful as we’re all talking about and identify that as something so easy to do. Now I will say like a lot of people are probably new to some of the techniques and the language that you’re using here.

And some might be like, well, that sounds a little far off there, but I would say like, can you talk a little bit about the benefits, the research that’s been done, and that this is a growing field that is being identified as a way to de-stress to, you know, remain more positive in your life and to set your life on a different direction and be more effective in your daily living.

Stacie: Absolutely. And I would agree. I think that is sometimes the hardest part to sort of cross the threshold of, okay, I hear what you said, but what does that mean? Right. And yes, there’s so much, research, scientific proof. Some of the latest that I’ve looked at is really talking about how the nervous system, the system that runs the whole body has its own what they call almost like its own little brain, its own gut, its own reaction.

Right. And so if we can think about that, the fact that we have two brains and her body to two mechanisms that are talking to one another and that are working with one another. And that we can tap into to be able to allow ourselves to break that down and look at how they are so seamlessly, if we can get into a space where that communication can become clear between the two, they can create such as sense of harmony and peace and balance in life.

And yes, I think there is so much that has been going on in this past year that has really knocked us all off of sort of what we considered normal or sorta the copacetic, like we’re just letting it like ride the wave and being able, these techniques really help you start to, like the work we were talking about, coming back into yourself so that you can clearly make decisions that you can respond adequately so that you can really.

Start to create a sense of peace in your life. And Tara, I love the example that you were talking about with the email of you get the email and if you’re checking in, right. And just being like what, what is it that’s coming up around this? I’ve had this happen so often with clients or instructors at the studio.

If I’m in a frame of mind where, running to the car to go pick up my kids and then we have to go to gymnastics or whatever it is. And I don’t give myself the permission to say, you know what? That needs to wait rather than saying, I need to get back to them that way I can check it off my list. Right. Just let it, let it be like, put it over to the side, allow ourselves, this is really harnessing your power of how it is that you want to feel each and every day.

Period. Because if we allow everyone else in every situation, in every circumstance to come in and sort of knock us off of this sense of groundedness that we’re finding within ourselves, Whose fault that, you know, and that’s us to taking, I say like radical responsibility. What is it that you want to feel like?

Okay, great. So like do more of that. Make more of decisions towards that create really healthy boundaries. It’s been sort of a thing that we say at the studio is you teach other people how to treat you. And if you’re allowing those boundaries to be crossed over and over again, if you’re allowing yourself to react over and over again, versus harnessing the power, sort of taking the driver’s seat back right, then, then you’re creating a life that is built a reaction. And I would guess I would venture to say that most of us don’t want that. Right. I would say that’s not the most fulfilling way to live. So I think it’s just really, you know, the thinking about what is it that we want more of and putting that out into the world. And that naturally comes back to us. If anyone’s heard of the law of attraction, what you put out. Naturally comes back. So thinking about what is it that I want to receive and let me create more of that in myself first. 

Tara: Yeah, I love that. I think the idea of giving yourself permission is it’s really a valuable thing to consider. I think you know, as, as a business owner or as a school leader, we want to.

The people who rely on us, who, who work with us, you know, who are our customers. And so, the tendency is to want to bend over backwards, we are service oriented people, many of us. And so when you feel that way, I think it’s, it’s very scary to think about putting up that boundary. What I’ve learned and heard and don’t always apply for sure is that people respect you more and appreciate when you set those boundaries. So. Once you’ve kind of crossed into that and had someone like you, who coaches you to kind of stick with that mentality. I think it’s really, really valuable. And I think also as parents. Modeling that, as you mentioned for your children is also really important too. And so I saw on your website, you used the term being called into our personal version of excellence. And I think that’s a great phrase and doing that for yourself, but also as a parent is really important. So, so yeah. Thank you for sharing that. 

Stacie: Absolutely. Yeah. And I think it, it definitely it becomes your identity. It becomes who you are and being able to exercise that in every area of your life, it just becomes innate. So at first, yes, it feels uncomfortable. And, and I think. Like I was speaking to you before, and I’m not at all gender firing here, but I think we could all say that typically females have a tendency to say, oh yeah, I’ll do it. All right, I’ll check the email and then I’ll go do this. And then I’ll go pick up the kids and. When we get to that space where we’re running on a thread, that’s no good for anyone. It’s not good for the whole. And I know that there are people of all walks of life that experienced that. And just starting to get clear and honest with ourselves about how does that really make me feel and how do I want to feel and how can these little shifts every day, saying, you know, maybe I’m going to give this email a couple of days to write that. Cause I’m not really sure where I land on this yet. Let me, let me come back in. Let me get really clear with myself first start to listen versus I will. Yeah, I’ve got to speak out right. Starting to listen more so that we can then respond from a space. That’s kind. That’s just, and that will be reciprocated from the other individual in such a beautiful. 

Tara: Yeah. I just had one more thought, which is that this also really applies Aubrey to to marketing communications because people who do that for a living, you know, it is very reactionary, a lot. There’s some planning involved, but the relationship that you have with the rest of your team can, can really benefit from these boundaries as well.Aubrey, what do you think about that? 

Aubrey: Absolutely. I would say, you know, actually when I’m working in schools, one of the things I talk about is boundaries. Because a lot of the people there are, they’re just, they’re tired, right? They’re tired. And there’s a lot going on. I mean, I think there’s a high degree of burnout or frustration as they carry their work home with them. Right. And then it sits on their shoulders and then they wake up and they walk through it. I definitely think the mindfulness piece of, of setting the boundaries, right. Being very clear on your time boundaries and also understanding. We have to pause before we react, we react and, and really think about why we’re reacting.

What comes up when we start to react and when you’re talking communications and marketing, when I’m working with departments, I mean, how much communication is produced. And let me tell you over, COVID like the amount of pivoting and communications we had to. So quickly we had to remember, like to take that breath, right. Even though things need to happen fast, there still needs to be a mindfulness and a thoughtfulness behind it. So we are not reacting so much. 

Stacie:  I love that I’m reminded of It’s a magnet that a dear friend of mine gave me years ago. And it was right when my husband and I bought the studio and our kids were small and, you know, running around and all the things. And, and I look at it daily because it, it reminds me to take the breath. Right. And it says, even though your mind is full, be mindful. Because there’s so many things going on, we have a million things that we are doing want to do all, but even though it’s full. Just be mindful, like pause. It’s so great. 

Tara: Yeah. They’re almost there almost in conflict with each other, right. The full mind. It’s harder to be mindful, so, yeah. That’s great. Thank you. Thank you. We have some questions. We ask all of our guests and I want to kick it off with the first one, which is what are the most important things that you do to grow professionally and personally?

Stacie: Hm. Yeah, for me, it is. A hundred percent keeping my mind and my knowledge, I’m an innate learner. I love learning more and more about my craft. And so staying in that without overindulging, that is a tendency I have to be really mindful about. So staying, you know, just keeping it flowing, keeping things coming in.

I never. I had the desire to kind of feel like, all right, I know all the things I’m, I’m good. That’s never going to be me. Being outside in nature is hands down. The thing that fills me up the most, and sometimes that’s alone on a walk around the neighborhood. Sometimes that’s with my family. In the water.

But just nature really, really fills my cup. And I’ve really in the last few years, understood the sheer importance and necessity of having what I consider sisterhood women who I can go and talk about all the things that my husband has no desire to hear about, but that I can be in a space that’s that’s honest and nurturing and.

Open. And for me that has been life changing to be able to be in that space with other like-minded women who get me and who will let me go through all of the things, all of the motions and love you through it. So those for me are some of the biggest, the biggest part. 

Aubrey: Thank you. And we do have a second question and you may have already answered it, but perhaps you could tell us a little bit more, what is one of the most important things we can do to be more mindful if you were to say like the very top thing?

Stacie: I really think it is the breath. I, it comes back and again, you know, my work is so much in the mind body, but, but that alone, if you give yourself three. Deep breaths. And any moment that you feel your system constricting or nervous or fearful, I mean, think about, oh my god, what our bodies have experienced in the last year, this sense of a knowing and fear just right. Our body do exactly what it wants to do, and that is just giving it the catalyst it’s saying, okay, I’m giving you that permission. I’m giving you the experience. I’m going to initiate this breath and just letting yourself be in that space is I would say by far the most. 

Tara:  Awesome. Great. Thank you. All right, here come the last questions. These are rapid fire questions. You can answer them as fast as you want, or you can add on as much as you want. If you could, if you could choose one book, that’s had an impact on you that you would recommend for reading mandatory reading for a high school curriculum, what would that be.

Stacie: Hands down The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Hands down. I think every individual should read that multiple times throughout their life. 

Aubrey: I love it. I love it. I think I have that on my shelf and I have, I think I started, but I need to pick it up again. 

Stacie:  Yeah, I had it on my shelf for a while too. And then I was like, oh my God, why did I not read this yet?

Tara:  Okay. I have to look that one up. I don’t have that one. All right, sure. 

Aubrey: I’m sure it’s at your local library, Tara. I’m a library fanatic, I get lots of books. So, okay. Now what is one app you couldn’t live without? 

Stacie: Insight Timer. I use it every morning. Yup. It’s my favorite. Yeah. It’s either to meditate or to have background music or the binaural brainwave, the waves, the beats that get your brain podcasts or like all that.

It’s the best app. 

Aubrey: I second. I tell everyone everyone’s like, wait, what, what did you, what is it like you, we need to spell it for them. It’s like insight, like insight the word, because no one ever knows what I’m talking about. I’m like, no, it’s free. Like, you don’t have to pay for meditation. What I use it for is when I’m working on a project, I’ll put on the brainwaves music,  I get so focused. It’s amazing. So I second that good one. 

Tara: That is a good one. I’ve done the meditations. I didn’t know about this one.

Stacie: They’ve got courses, they’ve got, I mean, Goldie Hawn is on there. So I mean, you know, I just love her. I mean, she’s got a whole program about getting kids interested in meditation. So how beautiful is that?

And it’s on the app and yeah, that’s it. Pretty endless. You could go down the rabbit hole of Insight Timer, don’t do that just start one at a time.

Tara: All right, that’s on my list. Now, one more thing. And what are you reading right now? 

Stacie: Oh, so I’m reading a book about human design. So to give you that, in a nutshell, it is the way that it’s described is how astrology and science come together. And it helps you understand really in a beautiful way, innately who you were born into this life to be.

And so you plug in your. Date time, specific time, year, all of that and the location. And it creates this chart in which that you can begin to find what type of person there’s like a manifestor, projector, all of these different types, but you start to go into the specifics and it really. You understand exactly who you were born to be.

And I got to tell ya, it blew my mind for me. Like, as I was reading my chart, I was like, holy smokes. It was like this magnifying glass into parts of my life that I was sort of aware of, but not fully aware of. But the part that really got me, I looked at my husband’s chart last weekend, mind blown. I was just, I was like, whoa, how did I not know? This helps me understand so many parts of his being that I couldn’t relate to because we’re different in those ways I could see it, but I couldn’t fully understand it. It helped me start to see the way that he lives his life in a completely different way that I appreciate. So much more now. So it’s, it’s fascinating.

I have to be careful not to get completely sucked in and go in for hours. But that is something that I am planning on adding to my arsenal of tools, but I’m sort of cresting into the introduction of it at this point. And it’s really great. 

Aubrey: I love it. And by the way, for those of you who might not think this is practical, I actually had my human design reading done when I was in Portugal and what they told me actually impacted my work.

So I’m a manifesting generator, but what I learned from this for work, when I make a decision, whether it’s to work with a client or go in on a project, I am a hundred percent all in like no holds barred, like see it to its very end that dedicated that loyal, that focused and what they told me was,

great. That’s a super thing to have, but that’s why let’s talk about being mindful, before I take on a client or a project it’s just ask, is this the one for me? Right. And be very mindful of that because I will stick with it through thick and thin, whatever the outcome. So, that was incredibly helpful for me as I was continuing to build my business and stuff like that. Very useful. Thank you. Well, we have one last question. What is one great piece of advice you’d like to leave us? 

Stacie: Mm. Just be who you know that you’re meant to be. Like, I think so often we are trying to fit ourselves into some ideal or mode or, well, that’s the way that it’s supposed to happen, or this is the way that it’s supposed to go. Does it feel good if it doesn’t feel right? Don’t do it that way, like really tapping into what is it that jives me up that really lights my fire that fulfills me and do more of that period. Like follow the feel good all the time. And you know, that’s, I think so often we get in our heads about, well, how was that? You know, how am I supposed to be able to do that? Dah, dah, dah, dah. And again, I think it comes back to like, who is it that you want to be? Like who is it that you want to look back and say, you know what? Yeah, I was that person or I did things or I really followed my heart. Right. That’s we’re on this end of it.

I often think about, I’ve got this amazing grandmother who’s 93 years old. And I think about what she’ll be able to turn around one day and look back on the life that she’s lived and the way that she’s loved. And that for me to be able to sort of step into those shoes with her and think about that for myself.

Who is it that you want people to remember you as? What is it, what legacy do you want to leave and think about well, how do I get to start that today? So I would say, just be more of who, you know you’re meant to. 

Tara: That’s great. Thank you. I want to ask a whole bunch of more questions, but unfortunately we’re out of time.

Stacie: We’ll just do it again. 

Tara:Yeah, we’ll do it again. We’ll have to do it again. And hopefully people can find the opportunity to do that. I know sometimes it’s not always possible to, you know, make that shift. So I want to acknowledge that, you know, being able to do that is a gift. And, and hopefully everyone can reach that point. It’s, you know, at some point in their life, at least from a career standpoint, right. Sometimes we are in jobs that might not feel like the right job, but we have to pay the bills and do those types of things. I think it’s always important to acknowledge that range. And, but great advice. And I certainly take that too. And I’m grateful to be able to do be doing that myself. So we’re so glad that you shared all that you’ve shared with us. It’s been great to meet you, Stacie, where can our audience find you on?

Stacie: It’s been so wonderful to be here with you too, as well. So the best place is my website. So Stacie, with an I E barber.com that has all the info about the programs that are offered. There’s an easy way to be able to connect with me there. And if you want to just good old fashioned email, stacie.barber@gmail.com perfect place to find me. And I also have my podcasts grounding into your radiance on mute. On my YouTube channel. So any of those facets would be great. 

Aubrey: Yay. Thank you Stacie so much for joining us. It was a delight and a pleasure to chat with you and you definitely left me thinking of some things that I’d like to reconsider and be more mindful about.  

Stacie: Thank you! Bye!